I’ve added ten more things to the life list. This is actually much harder than it seems! Maybe it just means I do most of the things I want to do in life as I think of them. That’s a good way of looking at it!
The weekend is finally here. It’s time to catch up on some reading, sleeping, and cooking!
This past weekend A and I ventured off to Key West to celebrate our good friend S’s 28th birthday. Needless to say, it was probably one of the best (and slightly crazier) trips I’ve had in awhile. Now if you’ve never been to Key West, it’s as if you put Las Vegas and Waikiki in a blender with a whole bottle of tequila and ice, and out pops this delicious brightly colored concoction that leaves you feeling warm and tipsy all over. That’s Key West.
The whole weekend was filled with frozen fruity drinks and jello shots and margaritas. (Note: this type of drinking is really not our usual weekend habits!) Beyond the alcohol (but not too far), I actually did several things I have never done before: Sunset Cruise (aka Booze Cruise since there was unlimited amount of refills on your margaritas), drag show (which was so much fun I can’t even describe it), and “clothing-optional” bar. Whoa! What did I say? Semi-Nude bar? Huh-uh (my head is bobbing up and down to say yes). Now out of all three, I must say the last one wins the prize.
Okay. This needs a description. It still won’t do it justice, but I’ll try my best. It is “clothing optional” so not everyone was naked (including me and my fabulous crew). Honestly, I would say about 80% of the bar was not naked, and of mixed age groups. It was much more tame than anyone could expect. There were however mostly naked old men and a few topless old women (about a handful). First thought? Whatever floats your boat is fine with me. I’m cool with it. I don’t feel the need to do it but more power to you old man! Let it all hang out in the wind for everyone to see. Second thought? Don’t touch anything and definitely don’t sit on the bar stools!
I started this blog almost as a journal for myself. I wanted to document bits and pieces of my life so that if anyone asks how we (A and I) are doing I can just direct them here. Of course, since it is displayed on the internet, certain things can’t be discussed- family, friends, jobs, very personal “stuff.” Funnily enough, these are the things that ramble through my head at all hours of the day. I’m constantly thinking about all these, and sometimes all at once! Besides the subjects that I can’t (or really shouldn’t) discuss, not much goes on in this little life of mine. I go to work. I come home. Sometimes I go to the gym. Sometimes I work in the garden. Sometimes I cook a meal or two. Sometime we take a trip. Yep, that about summarizes it.
I’ve been told “No news is good news.” (Come to think of it, people tell me adages all the time. Why?) Is that really true? I’ve heard plenty of good news. I also stand by the philosophy that in order for great things to happen there should be great risk (again, another adage). But with great risk can come great failure. You just have to be willing to roll the dice. Most of my life I had been a participant in this game. I’d make decision on a whim all the time just because my gut told me too. More often than not it usually fell in my favor. Everything from college decisions to moving to my marriage has been quick heart-felt decisions.
The past few years I have strayed from this path. I’m not sure why or what caused me to be more cautious and thoughtful about my choices. My decisions now I feel are more thought out and calulated, like a running tally of good vs. bad. A good investment- good check. Not enough money- bad check. However, I am not seeing that the decisions I have made based on this process are happy ones. My head may tell me it’s the wise thing to do, but my heart knows that in the end It (my heart) will not be in it for the long haul. I am figuring out I am best and most happiest (I know that is grammatically wrong, but who cares?) when I make my decisions swiftly and from the gut.
My family has always been movers (not shakers). My brother and I have had a very nomadic upbringing- one I didin’t fully appreciate until I was older. Change, whether good or bad, is in my blood. My head says consistency and settling down (funny since it is the name of this blog) is the wise and mature thing to do. “Invest in your company, job, house, etc. Do you really want to keep starting again?” My heart knows that I thrive on change and all the challenges that come with it. So, I say a big “YES” to starting over each time because each time I start I become that much closer to happiness.
I am not an avid reader. I read but I don’t READ. I know people who can go through a book or two a week. Me? Give me a book and then check in with me in 3-4 months. It may be finished by then. Another habit I have is that I start books but don’t finish them. This is a worse habit than slow reading. I am embarrassed to even say how many books are on my shelf that I’ve probably never finished. So, I won’t.
However, every year or two I come across a book that makes me read it faster than my latest Gourmet magazine. It just absorbs every part of me. Sometimes the story is so fascinating I just want to keep reading to find out what happens, and other times it speaks to a certain state of mind I’m in at that particular moment. I have found such a book that is the latter.
Lately, I’ve been very uncomfortable. Yeah…uncomfortable is a good word for it. I’m not sure if it’s the impending doom of the 30th birthday coming around the corner, or perhaps all the things in my life that just don’t feel settled. A combination of both? It’s not any one particular thing or person. Honestly, I don’t know what it is. I thought my quarter life crisis was over! Wasn’t that supposed to have come and gone with 25? It must have slyly lingered around, hiding in the bushes to only pester me later.
Back to the book. The book that I’m reading now is Eat, Pray, Love and yes, I know that book has been out forever. I’m only about a quarter of the way through and it has been like a beacon. I don’t have the same problems as the author has, but it is more of the same feelings of challenging oneself to do what is in her heart versus her head. It is the feeling of wanting more from yourself because you deserve it, and overcoming the negative feelings in your life that drag you down. Sounds a bit cheesy as I type it, but it is very true.
I’m starting to believe this feeling of getting older is really another level of self awareness. It’s the beginning of learning to settle into your own skin and teaching yourself to let go of everything (and sometimes everyone) around you. It is becoming aware that you are the one who has to put you first priority, and that is a very hard lesson to learn. And also, it is learning that life is how you want to see it. It sounds so easy, but it is definitely the hardest one to stick.
One of my favorite blogs is the well known Mighty Girl. The past few months she’s been keeping a list of 100 wonderful things she would like to accomplish in her lifetime. She’s got them along the side of her blog and she crosses them off as she completes each one. I don’t remember how her list started but I have seen it on some other blogs as well. It seems as if this bug is catching because lately I’ve been thinking about this list…well, I’ve been thinking about my list. What would I put on it?
First off, I don’t know if I can think of 100 right off the bat. That’s a lot and I think they would constantly change as life goes on. However, I love the idea of this list. I’ll start with a few and keep adding as I go. Let’s start with 10. 10 sounds like a good number.
Can you hear the optimism in my typing? Can you feel how I’m trying to not give up all hope that this year is not going to be a crap of a year.
It’s June. JUNE! I’ve been saying since January, “This is just a bad month. Next month will be better. I feel it!” Well, it’s now the middle of the year and I have yet to see a blip of anything to show me that this year is going to be THE year things will turn itself around.
However, despite the lack of satisfaction at work, despite the crushing blow of the drop in house prices, and even despite the soaring price of gas, I am still determined to not let this year beat me down. Or at least not just yet. I am going to look on the bright side. (Insert parting of clouds that reveal a blinding light shining from above while inspirational music plays.)
I am constantly reminded by others that things aren’t always as bad as they seem. When one door closes another door will open. And, we can continue on with all the adages that people like to say to people who are depressed about how their lives are turning out. I do realize that things could be worse. I could have a horrible disease or deformation. I could be out on the streets living in a moving box. I could be alone without anyone to care whether I came home at night. I understand. I also do know that sometimes life is just $#!*. You have to roll with the punches most of the time, but it’s okay once in awhile to complain when you take one to the groin.
Today’s bright side: Co-worker brought in cupcakes and I can always use some sugar.