I am not an avid reader. I read but I don’t READ. I know people who can go through a book or two a week. Me? Give me a book and then check in with me in 3-4 months. It may be finished by then. Another habit I have is that I start books but don’t finish them. This is a worse habit than slow reading. I am embarrassed to even say how many books are on my shelf that I’ve probably never finished. So, I won’t.
However, every year or two I come across a book that makes me read it faster than my latest Gourmet magazine. It just absorbs every part of me. Sometimes the story is so fascinating I just want to keep reading to find out what happens, and other times it speaks to a certain state of mind I’m in at that particular moment. I have found such a book that is the latter.
Lately, I’ve been very uncomfortable. Yeah…uncomfortable is a good word for it. I’m not sure if it’s the impending doom of the 30th birthday coming around the corner, or perhaps all the things in my life that just don’t feel settled. A combination of both? It’s not any one particular thing or person. Honestly, I don’t know what it is. I thought my quarter life crisis was over! Wasn’t that supposed to have come and gone with 25? It must have slyly lingered around, hiding in the bushes to only pester me later.
Back to the book. The book that I’m reading now is Eat, Pray, Love and yes, I know that book has been out forever. I’m only about a quarter of the way through and it has been like a beacon. I don’t have the same problems as the author has, but it is more of the same feelings of challenging oneself to do what is in her heart versus her head. It is the feeling of wanting more from yourself because you deserve it, and overcoming the negative feelings in your life that drag you down. Sounds a bit cheesy as I type it, but it is very true.
I’m starting to believe this feeling of getting older is really another level of self awareness. It’s the beginning of learning to settle into your own skin and teaching yourself to let go of everything (and sometimes everyone) around you. It is becoming aware that you are the one who has to put you first priority, and that is a very hard lesson to learn. And also, it is learning that life is how you want to see it. It sounds so easy, but it is definitely the hardest one to stick.